It's Your Funeral

I am writing on Thursday, consumed by the thought of conducting the memorial service on Saturday of a most remarkable Christian woman. Her name is Shirley. She could just as easily be named Dorcas, Tabatha, Phoebe, Lydia, or Priscilla. She is best described in Proverbs chapter 31 and is referred to by the Apostle Paul in Titus chapter 2. 

My love for her is great, my fondness for her is profound, my encouragement by her was unending for 35 years until her home going. In her last hours, we listened for the faint flutter of angel’s wings, signaling her escort by them into the Savior’s presence. Alas, it took place on Sunday evening right after I delivered my message from God’s Word, while I was speaking to our church women in the auditorium. 

With her on my mind for the last week and a half, I was reminded of mortality issues God has brought into my personal experience. My first conscious recollection of the approaching death of a loved one was the summer I spent with my maternal grandparents on a farm outside Wheeler, Texas. Every day, I rode with my grandparents in the Chevy pickup the 3 miles to Wheeler and my grandmother’s parents’ home. 

My great grandfather occupied a hospital bed in the middle of the living room of their tiny house. He had been a big Texas rancher for most of his life, the man in the region who hired the schoolmarm to teach his own eight children, and all the other kids who arrived each school day on their horses. But now he lay dying, going the way of all flesh, my great-grandmother and I watching old women, my grandmother among them, tending to their daddy as he lay there dying. 

Since that day almost 60 years ago, I have probably encountered death and dying somewhat more frequently than most Americans, except for physicians, funeral directors, nurses, and EMTs. One of the remarkable ironies about human beings is that every person will die, every person knows they will die, but most people are unwilling to deal with dying. Sadly, this is also true of most Christians and many pastors. 

As I pondered death and dying, especially the upcoming memorial service in honor of Shirley, my memories of three individuals came to mind. First, there was my mother’s death and funeral service, which I conducted. My brother was not in attendance, so I completed the funeral without consultation with anyone else. 

Early on in my ministry and during my first pastorate, there was the tragic death of a patriarch who had been confined to a wheelchair for many years. The automobile accident that killed him also put his wife in the hospital. That left the planning of his funeral service to his five somewhat past middle-aged children. 

I well remember the meeting to plan the funeral in one’s son’s home. There I was, the old man’s pastor and friend. In the room were his oldest son and daughter-in-law, his two daughters, and two other sons. It was the youngest son who spoke, acknowledging that his dad loved me and would undoubtedly have wanted me to conduct his funeral. However, the youngest son, who I estimate to have been in his mid-40s, expressed his concern and the concern of some of his siblings that in the funeral, I might prove to be an embarrassment to them in front of their friends. 

The whole point of his comments was to insist that I submit to the siblings a manuscript of my funeral sermon for their approval and editing. My response was calm and unemotional, indicating that that was certainly not going to happen. I gave them two reasons. First, I told him that no one, and I mean no one, tells me what to preach. Second, I said to him that I could not do what he demanded because I frequently felt compelled while delivering gospel messages to depart from my planned remarks, which would cause them to think I had deceived them. I did not want them to think I was deceiving them. I recommended that they ask another person to conduct the memorial service. 

I was not angry, and there was neither disappointment nor discouragement in my tone. Families have every right in the world to conduct funeral services in a manner they feel comfortable with, especially if the person who has died has made no plans or expressed no wishes regarding his or her memorial service. 

At that point, the oldest son’s wife, the only person in the room other than me who was not a child of the departed, spoke. She expressed her indignation and outrage that her brothers and sisters in law would attempt to do something so contrary to their departed father’s wishes and so contrary to their hospitalized mother’s wishes. 

The siblings were furious at her, but they yielded to their sister-in-law. They knew she was right. The memorial service was conducted without incident, and from my perspective, God was honored, Christ was exalted, the gospel was presented, and my departed friend would have been pleased. 

The third funeral that comes to mind was that of my best friend in the ministry for many years, Jim. During my first pastorate, he was called to serve in a congregation in the next small town, and he reached out to me and loved me until the time of his passing. I am his firstborn son’s age, and he loved me like I was his son while treating me as a pastoral peer. 

Well into my second pastorate, and well into his pastorate of the third church he served in since I met him, we met for lunch one day. His beloved Charlene had already passed, and he wanted to relate to me a conversation that occurred with six of his surviving seven children. 

As he related the story to me, his kids informed him that they were not planning on organizing a memorial service for him when he passed. With his health declining because of his age and diabetes advancing to needing dialysis, he had been thinking about his mortality. 

He told me that he asked them why they had no interest in arranging a memorial service for him. Though his kids were all churchgoing kids, he related to me that because their dad was a pastor, and all their dad’s friends were pastors, a memorial service for their dad would necessarily include sermons from preachers, that they had no interest in sitting through. 

This devastated him. How could it not have been a betrayal of everything he lived his life for? However, their honesty (or perhaps brazenness) was his opportunity. He told his children that he was taking from them any responsibility to plan or execute his funeral services but would place the matter in the hands of his three preacher friends, Mike, Nathan, and me. 

When he finally passed, we three conducted the memorial service in the auditorium of his last pastorate. We remembered him fondly, sought to honor God, exalt Christ, and delivered the gospel for the unsaved who were present. Interesting to me, his oldest son, who had been among the children who did not want a memorial service for him, decided to eulogize his father. 

Where am I going with all of this? When you die, and you will die, the funeral (if there is a funeral) and graveside service (if there is a graveside service) will be your funeral and graveside service. However, if you do not plan your funeral, if you do not plan your graveside service, but die without a plan in place, your survivors can and will do whatever they want to do. Are you sure that what they will want to do will align with what you will want them to do? 

Let us say you are married, and you are confident that your spouse will arrange your memorial services in a way that you will approve. However, are you not assuming that your surviving spouse will be fit enough, alert enough, and aware enough to fulfill your wishes and desires? What if your spouse is hospitalized? What if your spouse is easily swayed because of advanced age? 

When I was 19 years old, before engineering school and my conversion, I visited my grandparents outside Wheeler, Texas. I remember talking to my grandfather about the 180-acre farm that he was planning on leaving to my grandmother. I recommended that he divide up the property to his three children, my mother, uncle, and aunt. I pointed out that he could deed the property to his children and create a life tenancy for his wife to ensure that she could live on the farm for the rest of her life, thereby relieving her of all responsibilities to dispose of the real estate. It would also protect her against pressure tactics by her children. 

I next saw my grandparents on my honeymoon. They had been so important to me growing up that I could not envision spending more time than was necessary with my new wife without her meeting my beloved grandparents. That was the last time I saw my grandfather alive. By then, he was too far advanced in age to arrange for his property’s disposal in a manner I had suggested. 

After his death, my mother visited my grandmother, who had been placed in a senior’s home by her two oldest children without telling my mom. While she was visiting her mother, my mom discovered that my grandmother’s will had been rewritten once a month, depending on which of her two oldest children had last seen her. When Aunt visited, the will was altered to favor Aunt. When Uncle visited, the will was altered to favor him. They were pushing their mother around. 

My mother was outraged and went to the attorney to shame him for not discouraging such elder abuse. My aunt and uncle’s response? When my grandmother died, they did not inform my mother, who lived out of state. She was denied the opportunity to attend her mother’s funeral. 

When you die, unless you have made preparations for how the funeral service and graveside service will be conducted, and by whom, those left behind will do whatever they want. Are you okay with that? I’m not. I do not believe funeral services and graveside services are for the deceased at all. I think they can be God-given opportunities to present the gospel to people who are forced by circumstances to confront the undeniable fact that everyone dies. Therefore everyone should prepare for life after death. You cannot ensure that your surviving spouse will be able to arrange for a funeral or memorial service that will be pleasing to you, that will be pleasing to God, and that will be of any use to your surviving unsaved family members. 

I close with this recommendation to pastors. If you have had any experience with death and dying, my remarks in this article resonate with you. You have seen this in real-time. You know how some family members, predictably and unpredictably, exert themselves to make the memorial service what they want it to be, not what that wonderful saint of God who is being memorialized wanted it to be. 

Encourage your people to make plans, to get those plans in writing, and to make those plans legal documents authorizing an executor to arrange for the conduct of their funeral service, their memorial service, and their graveside service, so that God will be honored, Christ will be exalted, the departed loved one will be eulogized, and the gospel will be carefully and respectfully declared to everyone in attendance.

This installment is titled “The History & Theology of Calvinism” by Curt Daniel, Chapter Twelve, titled New England Theology.

 

This chapter is divided into nine subheadings, The Puritan Pilgrims, The First Theologians and Controversies, The Next Generation, Jonathan Edwards, The Great Awakening, The Aftermath of the Awakening, Decline of New England theology, The Second Great Awakening, and Conclusion. 

The Puritan Pilgrims.

The Puritan Pilgrims began in early 17^th-century England, with some of them moving in time to the Netherlands, and then passing through England on their way to New England on the Mayflower. During the voyage they wrote the Mayflower Compact, reached Plymouth Bay in November 1620 and decided where to put ashore on December 26. Half of the settlers died the first year. The first Thanksgiving feast was celebrated in October 1621 as an expression of gratitude for answered prayer. The nearby Massachusetts Bay Colony was formed along similar lines with William Bradford and John Winthrop as governors. 

The First Theologians and Controversies.

Three paragraphs are found in this subsection, with the concept of preparationism introduced. Mention is made of John Cotton, Thomas Hooker, Thomas Shepard, Roger Williams, Mrs. Anne Hutchinson, and the first missionary to the American Indians, John Elliot. History is not kind to Anne Hutchinson, labelling her an antinomian. My English friend, David H. J. Gay, is of quite a different opinion, writing that instead she was a thinking woman who balked at the legalism and preparationism that was imposed upon her. For her stand she was wrongly labeled antinomian. 

The Next Generation.

It is in this subsection that the Halfway Covenant is mentioned, along with John Davenport, Cotton Mather, and Solomon Stoddard, the grandfather of Jonathan Edwards. My opinion is that the introduction of the Halfway Covenant reflects the tendency of pastors to introduce methodology to offset times that are “out of season,” rather than prayerfully waiting on the Lord. Unstated by the author is the reality that Protestantism would not have known anything like open communion observance of the Lord’s Supper but for the error of the Halfway Covenant. 

Jonathan Edwards.

Jonathan Edwards was a towering intellect by any measure. Both his father and his grandfather were pastors, and he studied Latin, Greek, and Hebrew before entering Yale College at 13. While still young he fell in love with a godly fifteen year-old named Sarah Pierpoint, but remained distant from her so as to avoid impropriety and interfering with her growth and development. He married her after she turned 18. Not mentioned in this book is the negative attitude toward marriage that had been held by George Whitfield, seeing marriage as an impediment to ministry. His mind was changed, however, when he met and spent several days with Jonathan and Sarah Edwards in their home. He was so impressed by the Edwards marriage and the godliness of Sarah Edwards that he changed his mind about marriage and eventually married himself.

The Great Awakening.

Mention is made of times of revival under the preaching of Solomon Stoddard and the Dutch Reformed pastor Theodorus Frelinghuysen. However, the Great Awakening was another thing altogether. Attention is drawn in this subsection to Samuel Davies, William Tennent and his four preacher sons, George Whitfield, and David Brainerd, a missionary to the American Indians whose diary was published by Jonathan Edwards after Brainerd’s death, spending his last months in Edwards’ home. Not in this book but from another source, it is estimated that 80% of free adult men in the English colonies had heard George Whitefield preach. Thus, if George Washington was the father of our country, who can argue that George Whitefield was the grandfather of our country? 

The Aftermath of the Awakening.

In this subsection the author points out that Jonathan Edwards dealt with the issue of false hopes in his Northhampton congregation after the revival subsided, was dismissed from his church because of his opposition to the Halfway Covenant stance introduced by his grandfather, and moved with his family from Northampton to Stockbridge in western Massachusetts, where he served as a preacher to the soldiers and Indians. It was after his dismissal from Northampton that Jonathan Edwards completed and published his greatest works. In 1758 he accepted the call to become president of the College of New Jersey, which later became Princeton University. Sadly, he died of a smallpox inoculation, and his wife, Sarah, and several children, died shortly thereafter. The author writes, “He should be considered one of the three or four greatest Calvinist theologians of all time. Historians have often called him the greatest preacher-theologian-philosopher ever to grace the American landscape. He towered as the Mount Everest of American theologians, who like King Solomon (1 Kings 3:12) surpassed all who preceded and followed him. No study of Reformed theology is complete without studying Edwards.” 

Decline of New England Theology.

This subsection records the decline of New England theology following the death of Jonathan Edwards. Mention is made of Joseph Bellamy, Samuel Hopkins, Nathaniel Emmons, and Jonathan Edwards, Jr. 

The Second Great Awakening.

While the First Great Awakening was led by Calvinists, the second was led in part by Arminians such as Peter Cartwright and Barton Stone. Mention is also made in this subsection of Timothy Dwight, Nathaniel William Taylor, Asahel Nettleton, Charles Grandison Finney, and Horace Bushnell. I have read two very fine biographies of Asahel Nettleton, who had far more to do with the Second Great Awakening than most people realize.

Then there is my book highlighting the extremely bad influence on contemporary American Christianity owing to the impact of Charles G. Finney and Horace Bushnell. 

(available in Kindle format, use complete title)

Finney has adversely affected American evangelism to this day, and Bushnell's stain remains on most Church’s Sunday School ministries in the USA. Has your Sunday School been so affected? How do you know? What if you are mistaken?

Conclusion.

New England Calvinism was originally introduced by those who became Congregationalists. The Congregationalists handed the torch of Orthodox Calvinist leadership to the Princeton Presbyterians. “With the revival of historic Calvinism in the twentieth century (owing to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, in my opinion) came a rediscovery of Jonathan Edwards and the American Puritans. These new Calvinists should learn the lessons of the past as charted in this chapter to hold to the truth of Orthodox New England theology and avoid the pitfalls of modifications and departures from it.”

Hans

 

One aspect of the gospel ministry that is typically not appreciated by church members is the pastor’s ministry to survivors. This afternoon it was my privilege to go to a viewing at a local funeral home, where the casket containing the body of a World War II veteran who attended church when he was able was open for viewing. His wife of 75 years, two daughters and a son in law, grandchildren and their spouses, and two women from our church, were the only ones who attended. How I hate this pandemic lockdown. 

Some years ago, a man started a church in the basement of our town’s large Methodist complex. When his congregation reached about 200 people, he approached the local Nazarene district office and informed them that he had decided he wanted his congregation to identify as Nazarene. They welcomed him with open arms, and then he told them of his need for a permanent facility. As happens from time to time with denominational organizations, the district office straightway retired the longtime Nazarene pastor and his wife in my town. It replaced him with the younger new guy who brought 200 people into the building. 

Without any advance notice, a congregation of about 50 people who had worshiped together for almost 50 years found themselves outnumbered four to one, with a younger and very progressive pastor imposed upon them, and the auditorium completely remodeled to resemble nothing that they had ever seen before. One disheartened longtime member visited our midweek Bible study, held in our auditorium one block away. Owing to my discipling of young men, he got out of the auditorium before I had a chance to meet him and shake his hand. 

One week later, that same man showed up again on a Wednesday night before the Bible study. I had the opportunity to meet him and shake his hand and arrange a subsequent meeting. At that meeting, with a broken heart, he told me about the congregation’s dispossession he knew so well and loved so deeply. Naturally, being a Baptist, I was appalled by such denominational actions, though I had seen such things before. 

I called the pastor who had been forcibly retired by his denominational district office, an acquaintance with whom I had good relations and mutual respect. His attitude was one of resignation without malice. He had already retired from more than 30 years as a radio broadcaster. He was now ready for retirement from the ministry, something he accepted as an unavoidable part of life as a pastor inside a denominational hierarchy. 

I asked him what he thought I should do with the people he used to preside over. He encouraged me to welcome them, to love them, and to pastor them for as long as they chose to stay. He pointed out that since they are Nazarenes, they would undoubtedly leave eventually because of the doctrinal incompatibility between the Nazarene denomination and unaffiliated autonomous Baptist churches. 

The first Sunday night the Nazarenes showed up en masse was the first night of my series of sermons on the doctrine of the church that would become my book, “The Church of Jesus Christ: 28 Truths Every Christian Ought To Learn.” I wondered how a group of Nazarenes would react to a very strongly Baptist Bible sermon. I noticed that they blinked as I powerfully delivered point after point, but they continued to come, service after service. Once my book was published, several of them obtained copies of the book, read the book, and are now members of our church.

This recollection is about a fine man who could not attend very often because of his advanced age. His name was Hans. His widow’s name is Ruby. On a Sunday night, I most recollect an occasion four years ago when we habitually recognize birthdays and anniversaries in the congregation. Hans and his wife Ruby stood to celebrate their 71^st wedding anniversary. Because he got around with a walker, I decided to remain in the auditorium instead of taking everyone out behind the fellowship hall, as was our usual practice. 

As I stood next to him and his wife, so the photographer could take the pictures with the pastor that is our tradition, Hans said to me, “Do you know how I got this way?” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I said “No. What are you referring to?” He said, “I’m talking about my legs. Do you know how my legs got this way?” When I indicated I did not, he said, “It was the Germans.” 

I later found out that Hans was born and raised in the Midwest, joined the Army at the age of 22 after the outbreak of World War II, but that he didn’t want to hurt anybody. He told me that he was not a pacifist and was committed to doing his part and serving his country. But having grown up in church, he prayed and asked God to make it possible for him not to have to hurt anyone. 

His prayer was answered. He was in a barracks with a couple of hundred guys when a sergeant came in with a clipboard and a list of names and began reading off last names. Everyone whose name he called was directed to get into the back of a deuce and a half. Hans was the only man left in the barracks, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and sit on his bunk. 

Several hours later, another sergeant walked into the barracks and asked him what his name was. “Sluik, sergeant.” “How would you like to be a medic?” the sergeant asked. “Great.” And that’s how God answered Hans’ prayer. 

Fast-forward to the Battle of the Bulge. Hans’ company walked into a German minefield, and a number of his buddies stepped on German mines and were seriously injured. A mine’s goal is not to kill but to maim since injured soldiers require far more resources than dead soldiers. Hans immediately began to walk into the minefield and pick up injured soldiers, carrying them to safety. Then he went back into the minefield and got another guy. He did this again, and again, and again, I don’t know how many times, until he stepped on a mine. 

That was his million-dollar wound. Hans was sent home, where he eventually but fully recovered and married his high school sweetheart, Ruby. Earlier this year, they celebrated their 75^th wedding anniversary. 

From what I have been able to gather, Hans and Ruby came to Christ after returning from the war, around the time of their marriage in 1945. Since then, they have always been faithful in church attendance, and his car repair business and her school teaching made them very well-known and respected in the community. 

Hans was a member of what is usually called the greatest generation. By any measure, he was a heroic figure, both in uniform and as a faithful Christian. Below are a few pictures I took at his viewing today. Those of you who served may recognize the ribbons that tell their own story to others who served. 

Please pray for me. I have been asked by Hans’ widow, Ruby, to conduct the graveside memorial for Hans next week. I want to honor him. I want to glorify God. I want to exalt the Savior. That Hans was a Christian man, who lived an exemplary life, faithful to his wife, and who served his country with valor, will make that privilege somewhat easier.